When he runs out of medicine because he didn’t call the doctor for a refill, I trust he has the intelligence to solve his own problem. When he handles a situation at work “the wrong way” I keep my opinion to myself. If there are any concerns about content we have published, please reach out to us at

We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support and understanding. State how you are taking personal responsibility for the hurt you’ve caused. Making amends means apologizing but also goes one step further—doing everything in your power to repair the damage, restore the relationship, and/or, replace what you took. If you’re writing a letter, whether sending or sharing it in person, spend some time reflecting on and sharing the actions you’re taking to redress the wrong(s) done. Making amends requires the individual to correct their mistake. This action can demonstrate the person’s new way of life in recovery.

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After all, didn’t my mind almost lead me into a bar just two weeks before? He also said that he thought I was silly as a pet coon, which I did not like very much. My sponsor told me to leave them on my Eighth Step list.

• She made the brave decision to put her shame to one side and make her amends.
• When they didn’t follow my advice, I let them know – repeatedly.
• It follows, then, that Step Nine is a challenging step.
• Our sponsors can help us explore each of these concepts so that we gain perspective on the nature of our specific amends and stay focused on what we’re supposed to be doing.
• If your actions match your intentions and you reach out in person, you are doing the next right thing to right past wrongs.
• So that even when someone has overcome their addiction, they stay within the fellowship and help others overcome their addiction, and this also keeps them from relapsing.

The only amends I can make to those untraceable individuals, the only “changes for the better” I can offer, are indirect amends made to other people, whose paths briefly cross mine. Courtesy and kindness, regularly practiced, help me to live in emotional balance, at peace with myself. https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/the-6-stages-of-alcoholic-recovery-timeline/ Practicing the spiritual principle of love is something we’ve been doing throughout our recovery just by staying clean and sober. By Step Nine, we’ve eliminated many of the destructive attitudes, perspectives and feelings we used to have, which makes room for love in our lives.

Tips for Making Your List of Amends

Making amends to my family, and to the families of alcoholics still suffering, will always be important. Understanding the havoc I created and trying to repair the destruction, will be a lifelong endeavor. You need to find the approach that works best for you. Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them. If your actions match your intentions and you reach out in person, you are doing the next right thing to right past wrongs. And remember, if you are feeling ashamed about mistakes made and damage done during your using days, you are not your disease.

Well, there are no half measures, and it ain’t easy… if it were easy, everyone would be doing it! It takes strength and courage to own up to our mistakes, and when necessary, make restitutions. living amends It is another rewarding part of our recovery journey and brings us closer to the gift of freedom. Guilt and shame are the unnecessary chains that bind us to our past.

Which former US president worked for AAA Kansas?

They may visit family members and friends more often, set aside time to spend with their partner or donate their time to a worthy cause. When I survey my drinking days, I recall many people whom my life touched casually, but whose days I troubled through my anger and sarcasm. These people are untraceable, and direct amends to them are not possible.

Some of these same things can happen to the other person in the process. They may find resolution and understanding about the past. Or, they may gain greater insights about addiction and commit to being a more supportive person in your recovery. If you’re on the fence about Step 9, remember that making amends can help you and the other person.

The Ninth Step: When To Do So Would Cause Harm

But by prioritizing your recovery on a daily basis and doing whatever that next right thing might be for you, you will keep moving forward in living a life of good purpose. If making an amends means exposing ourselves to triggering environments, we ought to reconsider and discuss healthy alternatives with a sponsor or addiction counselor. Step Nine states that we make amends “except when to do so would injure them or others.” We don’t want our actions to cause further damage, harm or stress. In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions like donating money, volunteering our time or providing care. One very effective way to make amends is to go to treatment. At FHE Health, you’ll learn more about Step 9 and how to handle the worst of experiences.

To follow the Big Book Step Eight directions, I needed to realize that the Steps are in order for a reason. If I would have followed the temptation to make an amends list out of order, it would not have been nearly as effective. If you wish to contact a specific rehab facility then find a specific rehab facility using our treatment locator page or visit SAMHSA.gov. Book Jason for speaking engagements, events or appearances and let him bring the message of recovery & hope.

Are you taking the step to clear your conscience at the expense of another person? If so, then you should avoid approaching that individual. This concept of “living amends” is an great example of “watering down” the 12 step program, for non-alcoholics (hard drinkers), who make the vocal majority of AA in 2009.

• For example, we might intend to go to a friend’s birthday party, but in actuality, we fail to show up for the event.
• For example, there may be a situation where the person (or people) we’ve harmed are not aware of what we did, and learning about it might possibly harm them even more.
• It means mending, or (quite literally) fixing, the relationship.

If an individual damaged someone else’s home while they were under the influence of drugs or alcohol, direct amends may require that they go to the property owner, apologize and repair damages. Those in recovery are encouraged to make direct amends whenever possible. Before approaching Step 9, you need to complete the inventory in Step 8. This is a list of all of the people in your life whom you believe you have harmed. It can be a challenging list to write, even for those who want to embrace forgiveness and inner peace—but the list is important.